jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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