I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
