Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
then he tried to convert me to islam
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
