I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
