Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
