doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
