you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
