You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
