Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
