thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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