I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
