Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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