where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
