I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
