You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
