First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
