Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
