Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
one two three fourrrrnication!
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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