And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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