Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
