Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
