im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
