My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
