New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
