i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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