I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
