remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Randomize
