I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
We need to get me chipped asap
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
