escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
