Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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