Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
The best revenge is premature balding
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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