I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
