you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
