made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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