dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
