I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
