I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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