What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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