Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
