I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
