Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
