i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
