I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
