Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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