i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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