Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
