I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
