3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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