I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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