ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
The ass gains better be worth it
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