I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
